Today hits home (yet again) why the loss of the child is so devastating for it is not only the physical absence a mother grieves but the loss of everything in the future. Birthdays are an especially painful reminder of what should be but isn't.
Josh should be in his early 20's, figuring out who he is and what he wants to do with his life.
He should've been with us at our Thanksgiving holiday in Asheville, NC - eating, chilling, playing Cataan and poker, watching sports with Tim and Tyler - everything a kid would do during a week with the family.
He should've been home with us over Christmas and New Years.
He should've come with us to NYC this week to see Gillian perform with her new band of which she is the lead vocalist and Uncle Steve (my brother) is the guitarist. He would've been amazed and proud.
He should be his little cousin Keilani's # 1 fan - and vice versa. There are times when she smiles that she reminds us of Josh.
Tears have flowed intermittently as I remember the day he was born and the joy he brought to our family.
Happy to have a healthy baby boy - a little surprised too as the doc said he was supposed to be a she!
Poor Tim - so tired taking care of the other three at home and getting ready for our arrival....
Josh completed our family....
Love you and miss you.